Sascha Rothchild: Author and freelancer’s personal story

by Michelle Golden

When Sascha Rothchild walks into a room heads turn. This Miami Beach-born green-eyed, majestic red-haired bombshell can knock you off your feet not only with her silver knee-high-heeled boots but also with her expertise in (unsuccessful) relationships. Rothchild’s book, How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage, was released January 26, 2010, after Penguin Publishers came across the article and wanted to publish a memoir. Rothchild has also written for Psychology Today Magazine, Women’s Health Magazine, match.com and dippolitics.com. Although always busy freelancing articles for various publications, or flying out to book signings all over the country, Rothchild still finds time where she resides in Los Angeles for the little things in life like her cat, Spork, her love for frozen yogurt, and her obsession with vampires and black nail polish.

“I always knew that I wanted to be a writer,” said Rothchild. “When I was 11 or 12 years old, I read an ‘Interview with a Vampire.’ I was so completely immersed in those books that I realized if I can create my own world with my writing then I can control my own environment with my writing. I always had the habit to jot down funny conversations I heard while out with my parents. Because my father was a writer, it just made sense. I grew up surrounded by writing and watching him write. I must say it is probably the least glamorous job in the world because you sit alone in a room wearing sweatpants. But there is something glamorous to me about people reading what I write.”

From a very young age, encouraged by her father, this now 33-year-old Jewish Boston College graduate always felt the need to write. Her philosophy is that if she doesn’t write it, it isn’t real. Always propelled to write down everything, whether it is something that happened to her or a story idea, Rothchild’s mantra is about writing things down to define her reality. “The process of sitting down and writing can be very scary for a lot of people,” she said. “Some dread it and continue to put if off. For me, I’m not afraid of it. Maybe I’m afraid sometimes that the writing won’t be very good. You have to do a little bit everyday, and because I’ve been doing it since I was seven or eight years old, it comes naturally to me. I feel if I don’t write, my life isn’t complete. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? For me, if I live my life and I don’t write about it, I haven’t really lived my life.”

Moving to LA upon graduating with a degree in theater specializing in playwriting, Rothchild soon realized that living in LA and getting in touch with the big-screen people was more than just tough love. One night, prior to her moving to the west coast and while she was eating out for dinner with a few college friends, Rothchild was deep in conversation and David Black, the executive director of Law and Order, overheard her. At the end of dinner, he had given her his business card and told her that he liked her spunky personality and he would give her a job after she graduated. Thinking she would get many offers down the road, Rothchild didn’t find it necessary to keep track of the card and lost it within a few weeks. Years later, while struggling to balance freelance writing and waitressing, Rothchild had learned a valuable lesson and has kept every business card she’s received since.

The hardest part about being a freelance writer, according to Rothchild, is that the need to write should always be there. “If you don’t write all the time, then you aren’t a writer,” said Rothchild. Writing for at least five hours a day, six days a week, this freelancer, memoirist, and screenwriter calls writing her cardio. “I do write like it is a job and as if I have a deadline even if I don’t have a deadline because it forces me to produce good material, said Rothchild. “Eventually I hit a wall, but usually in five hours I accomplish a lot. You have to build up to writing a lot. When you get used to it and when you’re really feeling it – it zips right along. I enjoy writing in coffee shops because I can sit in a corner while there is this soft chatter around me and I don’t have to focus on it. If someone says something that gets my attention I’ll listen for a few seconds. Afterwards, what’s going on will have energized me and then I can get right back into what I’m writing.”

Rothchild has continued to freelance. After she pitched and published the LA Weekly article “How to Get Divorced by 30,” following her actual divorce from her husband of three years, both Penguin Publishers and Universal Studios showed an immense interest in getting a memoir and movie out of it. Readers can tell the article and memoir has proven anything but anti-male. “If anything, I’m hardest on myself,” she said. “The book is about not buckling under pressure to get married. The whole general response to the book has been that I have had such a weird life but that I’m really relatable.”

Now with the recent release of her book and meanwhile in the process of writing the script for Universal Studios, Rothchild feels like she has obtained the expert title in relationships. Although she does not have a psychology background, Rothchild claims that she has always been obsessed with analyzing people and relationships. Her regular columns for Psychology Today and How to Get Divorced by 30 – both the article and the book version- have gotten Rothchild labeled a professional and expert in this particular field. Having been asked to be on an episode of VH1’s Tough Love, which will air within the next few months, and constantly interviewing for many women’s websites and magazines, she has been deemed as the relationship expert. “By failure, I have been the expert.”

Bipolar Disorder: The Long and Winding Road

by Michelle Golden

Two summers ago my mother landed up in the emergency room; her heart rate was at a low four and the nurses were pumping something in her veins to reverse the drug effects of her attempted suicide. I remember staring at my mother, wondering if she was experiencing the same kind of internal emotional pain my sister and I were going through.

When she was later seen by a social worker we were told that she’s bipolar. My sister and I had been prepared for this answer for a while due to her years and years of destructive behavior. But when we finally had the answer in front of us, I don’t think either of us knew what to do next. Then, as if the social worker knew this was what we were thinking, she told us, “Your mother needs to get her self immediate help.”

We learned that bipolar disorder consists of disruptions in brain chemistry. The parts of the brain that control emotions don’t operate the way they should and because of this, individuals with the disorder experience certain moods more strongly and frequently than others for a longer period of time.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health approximately 5.7 million American adults or about 2.6 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year are affected by bipolar disorder, a disorder that severely affects mood swings. Out of the 5.7 million Americans who are affected by this disorder a lot of them are not aware of it and some may not even do anything to receive the right treatment.

For a number of reasons people who suffer from bipolar disorder don’t get the necessary help they need from a doctor. They may ignore their family and friend’s plea to seek treatment. Most of the time the number one reason for not seeing a doctor is fear. When people suffering from bipolar disorder live in denial they don’t have to face themselves, their fears, and reality. They can continue going about their everyday lives – even if their relationships with family, friends, and co-workers are at risk.

When getting treatment isn’t a priority people can risk becoming suicidal and one’s long-term physical health is at risk as well. And that’s the stage my mother was in when we found ourselves at her hospital bed. For years we didn’t know what the problem was and for years she never thought she had a problem.

Millions of Americans have bipolar disorder and it can develop at any point in an individual’s life. It’s not only a personality disorder but it is also a real disease. It requires medical attention just like cancer or diabetes requires treatment. The right treatment is out there for everybody. Medications are available to help stabilize moods and in therapy one can discuss feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Through seeking professional help people can learn to cope with the bipolar disorder and learn how to fully engage in ways to better live a more gratifying and functional life.

One thing to realize when you’re dealing with a family member who has the disorder is that it isn’t your fault. For years my mother put the blame on my sister and I for her divorce from my father, or for her health, or just for even being born. But it is important to understand that all of these are irrational thoughts and though they may hurt, it really is the bipolar disorder in the parent speaking. Sometimes I think that maybe there is hope and she will change. But then those thoughts are interrupted when I remember the harsh names, the hitting, the shoving, and the manic state she was capable of getting stuck in. I used to think I was just the bad daughter. But when I moved out and my sister then had to deal with it, I knew that I had been wrong for many years and my mother’s daughters weren’t the problem. The fact that she wasn’t getting the right help was.

Although it’s been two years after my mother’s diagnosis and she still isn’t seeking the right help, I know that it takes time. It is true that her life has gone in a downwards spiral since then. She isn’t emotionally and physically healthy and stable to have a job. My mother is            still suffering from the tremendous effects of the disorder. But I do have faith that at some point she’ll be ready to take the right medication, to speak with the right professional, and to trust in her own self and others that there is a light at the end of the long and dark tunnel. Like with anything, the first step is admitting when there is a problem. And after that, it’s about taking one day at a time.

Dear Barbie, you’re not real. Love, Me

by Michelle Golden

One day my boyfriend said I had to wear more makeup, straighten my hair everyday, and wear heels weather permitting. I didn’t know whether to blame his idiocy or Heidi Montag and her fake sex appeal. All I knew was it seemed that my appearance wasn’t good enough and that he was instantly attracted to a certain type of Barbie girl. Then I thought back to my own Barbie dolls I used to play with. Their hair was always long and straight. Their skin was always soft and free of acne. Their eye makeup was always perfectly (and permanently) applied.

That’s when I realized it’s not poor Heidi Montag and her plastic bimbo self who is to blame for creating this unrealistic image. Of course she isn’t my number one role model and I wouldn’t bring my daughter if I had a daughter near her with a ten-foot pole. But Heidi doesn’t know any better. She, too, was probably brought up with Barbies.

I’m telling you, it’s Barbie. Barbie is to blame for some of women’s body image views and men’s distorted fantasies of what women should look like. Barbie and Photoshop. But Barbie came first.

As women, our expectations of what we should look like often mirror fantasies of what men and society want their girlfriends to look like. When we get older many of these artificial expectations are based on our ideals of women who come across as perfect on the television screen, in magazine spreads, or in movies. However, as a young girl playing with my Barbie doll collection, when Ken finished work for the day, he would come home to an attractive Barbie with big boobs, a small butt, a tight stomach, and a dress that slips over her slim (actually really, really skinny let-me-try-to-suck-in-my-tummy-like that) waist – and that’s what made a perfect girlfriend. Barbie wears high heels. She wears fancy dresses. And she also wears tight mini skirts. She would make the perfect trophy wife. Her plastic life was certainly fantastic.

Caitlin Boyle creator of the empowering movement “Operation Beautiful” focuses on forming positive messages for girls. “I think the core issue is that our society tells us over and over again that we’re never good enough the way we are. We are never thin enough or never pretty enough. It’s not only about being thin. It’s about being perfect in every single way.”

In my opinion, Barbie has been a silent, deadly, and far from innocent (and actually a rather false) advertisement for young girls for nearly fifty years. As young children we are sponges and we mimic a lot of what we see and interact with. Though this bendable doll seems like the perfect holiday gift to give to a little girl, it may actually cause more harm than good to her in the long run.

Why? She’s only plastic, you say. Well, so is tabloid queen Heidi Montag and look how great of a role model she turned out to be — ten plastic surgeries in less than a year.

Although only a toy and meant to only be a toy, Barbie, still, nonetheless, represents something that no girl can measure up to. Because of her “perfect” appearance, Barbie focuses too much on physical beauty and ignores a girl’s capability of developing intellectually and emotionally. I know she’s just a doll and she doesn’t know any better but think about how many little girls get Barbies for their birthday, for holidays, for just-because-they-won’t-be-quiet-in-the-grocery-store days. We didn’t mean for Myspace to be the spot for 40-year old men to prey on teenagers but it somehow happened. Barbie was just a doll and is still just a doll but packaged with a lot of internal messages of beauty and perfection.

Author and teen Katherine Schwarzenegger knows what it is like to struggle with body image issues and isn’t a stranger to girl’s lack of confidence. In her book, “Rock What You’ve Got” Katherine celebrates the female form. “I think it is important for girls to understand that the media puts a certain view of beauty out there and that it’s not realistic,” said Schwarzenegger. “Girls need to focus on their own unique beauty and not compare themselves to the views in the media.”

In her book Schwarzenegger cites studies that suggest Barbie’s proportions would be impossible to achieve by a real live woman. Finland’s University Central Hospital in Helsinki says “If Barbie were alive, she would lack the required 17 to 22 percent body fat required for a woman to have her period. Her measurements are certainly unhealthy and mostly unachievable.”

Maybe Barbie is unachievable. But some girls still try to be that perfect Barbie girl living in a Barbie World whether for their boyfriends, parents, peers, or for their worst enemy, the mirror. With Barbie Girl stuck in my head, I told my boyfriend, “If I’m not good enough the way I am, there’s the door.”

Anyone But Me’s Nicole Pacent is Anything But Mrs. Smith

Nicole Pacent plays Aster on the web series, "Anyone But Me"

By Michelle Golden

The new hit web-series Anyone But Me’s Nicole Pacent looks like a spitting image of Angelina Jolie. Created by one of the writers and Consulting Producers of The L Word and ThirtySomething, Susan Miller, and independent filmmaker Tina Cesa Ward Anyone But Me introduces a new post 9/11generation struggling with homosexuality, identity, and modern long distance relationships. Pacent flips her freshly salon highlighted brown hair, flashes a Crest-white smile and tells me she has been acting since she could put one foot in front of the other. Placing her Au Bon Pain coffee near her computer, she explains how she was nominated as one of Shewired.com’s 2009 Gay Women of the Year and what it means to her to be a part of Anyone But Me.

“We’ve amassed such a wonderful, small niche following for Anyone But Me,” said the New York University Tisch School of Arts graduate who plays 15- year old Astor, Vivian’s (played by Rachael Hip-Flores) on-screen love.

“I think people really relate to the Vivian and Astor characters and the fact that in that first [SheWired.com] interview when I came out, people were really psyched about it. I guess it’s just not that typical,” says Pacent. “It’s funny to me now because it’s just so second nature for me. I don’t even think about it. I talk about it because it is who I am, and it’s part of my life.”

After coming out publicly to the press as bi-sexual on April 21, 2009, shortly after the release of the first season of the web-series, Pacent has been contacted by devoted fans saying they have been touched by her efforts. “It’s why I act at the end of the day. Besides my own love for it, it is to do something that makes a difference with people.”

As a kid in the early days of her acting career, Pacent often played the little mermaid during recess, always showing admiration for the song, “Part of Your World,” to the point that even to this day, she still relies on it as her audition song. Theater was always something that just “made sense” to Pacent.

“Anything that was theater or music related I just loved. When I watched a movie or went to see a show, I was just completely transfixed,” she said. “I went to see Red Riding Hood when I was seven and all I wanted to do was be red riding hood.”

But the confident and smiling actress reminiscing about her musical production and community theater days on and off the playground actually used to be a little girl scared of coming out to her peers, and more importantly, to herself.

“It’s such a funny idea this whole idea of coming out because if we lived in a world where people didn’t assume that you were straight until proven otherwise, then maybe things would be different. But really you come out everyday to people.”

One would never think that in the middle of a hockey field where practice was being held, someone could have an identity crisis. However, for 15-year-old Pacent it was possible. During a summer afternoon, her and her teammates saw, what they thought, was an attractive-looking guy across the field. A few minutes later they found out that this guy was actually a girl, when he, or rather she, took off a baseball cap to expose a shaved head and a face that had very apparent girl features. That moment was the turning point in Pacent’s awareness of her sexuality. As all the other girls laughed at the idea that they could possibly think this ‘guy’ was “cute,”

Pacent still could not get it out of her head that she still thought the girl was attractive in her eyes.

“I remember looking at her intently and being like, ‘That’s a girl. You know it’s a girl now. Why are you so attracted to her?’ I had to keep on telling myself, you know this is a girl, right?’”

At 15, coming out was a scary process for Pacent. It was different and she did not know anyone her age that identified as gay.

“It was so the other. As soon as it came in my conscience mind that this just might be who I am, I suddenly was alienated in my own head. I became the other that everyone could talk about, and to me, that was very scary. It was scary because it was real.”

Able to relate on a very personal level with her character on Anyone But Me, Pacent says Astor is very confident.

“She’s much more myself now than myself in high school. Myself in high school was a little more Vivian,” says Pacent. After moving from New York City to Westchester, Vivian has to deal with coming out to her peers in a new school and neighborhood and subsequently has a hard time adjusting to that idea while still maintaining her relationship with Astor back at home.

“Sometimes I was comfortable with it and sometimes I wasn’t. In terms of owning to who she is, she is more mature than I was. Astor is the kind of girl that I would date, not necessarily the person I am,” says Pacent.

Performing as Astor on the show makes Pacent think a lot about her identity as an actress, saying that often where people have trouble in acting is where they have trouble in life too. Sometimes during scenes where she needs to become vulnerable, Pacent finds it hard to do so in front of other people when she is not in control. “There have been times in scenes where I’m like, ‘Should I cry in this scene?’ and I found myself so uncomfortable at the idea of crying and I ask myself ‘Is that me being uncomfortable for Astor or me being uncomfortable for me?’

Since coming out to her peers and family, Pacent is finally comfortable forming relationships with other women and not afraid of being judged. The Angelina-look-alike is starring again on the second season of Anyone But Me.

“You know, my ex-girlfriend in the beginning thought I looked like Angelina Jolie but then over time said ‘Yeah I saw it when I first met you, but I don’t see it anymore. You’re just…you.’ That’s what I get from most people. They see it at first and then they don’t see it anymore. I mean it’s an incredible compliment. That woman is outstandingly beautiful. Can’t argue with it.”

It’s complicated, thanks to Facebook

By Michelle Golden

In today’s dating world, technology defines relationships. Sure, there is still a dating scene- but the definition of a relationship has been morphed through sexts, tagged Facebook statuses, and dedicated Taylor Swift lyrics in the form of away messages. While this new tech-savy Facebook has certainly helped many aspects of human interaction in the business world, the romantic hemisphere has unquestionably suffered.

Facebook has morphed from a small and private social media network site for specifically college students to becoming a tool for exploitation for the entire world. People can broadcast absolutely anything they want on Facebook for the whole “FB” population to view. Status updates allow people to say what’s on their mind and the Facebook profile as a whole allows people to mirror how they see themselves in everyday non-virtual life. A change in relationship status announces single-lady status, commitment, or swinger-status. People even fake relationships for reasons that can vary across the globe.

It seems like these days the meaning of “relationship” is only implied if it is made “Facebook Official.” If it’s not Facebook Official then the relationship hasn’t been taken to an appropriate level. But why is the Facebook relationship status so essential to modern day relationships and what does it exactly mean?

By being in an established relationship on Facebook, a social appearance has been made in cyber-space. Once the relationship status has been changed from “single” to “in a relationship” to “in a relationship with Jane Doe” news of such events have been plastered on the newsfeed of all 976 friends. This news ignites curiosity. People want to know the details after such news has been released to the Facebook community. And when a break-up occurs? Oh, you bet your butt people want to know what happened. Questions involving the five W’s will be flying from all directions. When Facebook just came out, people would KNOW exactly what time the Facebook break-up occurred. A broken heart used to be visible on everyone’s newsfeed as soon as Steve and Jill broke up. The concept is almost heartbreaking in itself. Is nothing even private anymore?

Not really. Nowadays, the dating scene has been pushed more and more towards sexual encounters at hotel parties rather than pure emotional attraction and then illustrated by drunken tagged pictures the next morning. Partygoers can expect to have new friend requests waiting in cyberspace even if it is at 3:28 am – moments after stepping out of the cab upon returning from the party. On Facebook, reality is, you can and will be found – one way or another. This can be followed by a dependency on Facebook to further pursue a possible relationship with last night’s hookup. It’s okay though, because everyone is doing it. No pun intended.

Although Facebook allows for social interaction, networking, and, of course, procrastination – it has also provoked jealousy. Years ago girls didn’t have any initial substantial proof of their boyfriends talking to other people of the female race because Mark Zuckerberg wasn’t born yet to invent the Facebook wall and honesty boxes. Before Facebook, we didn’t have the conscious need to keep looking. When there is a constant dependency to stay connected online and check out the significant other’s profile page, the sadness of it all is that the real relationship has never been so disconnected. Just a few years ago, relationships were more natural because people actually had to spend real time getting to know someone by talking and engaging in an in-depth conversation. Nowadays, do we even know what it is like to get to know each other face-to-face?

With that being said, is Facebook the new homewrecker? The relationship buster? The cheating ex-boyfriend? A study published in the CyberPsychology & Behavior Journal analyzed the effect of Facebook use on the romantic relationships of college students. The study claimed, “Increased Facebook use significantly predicts Facebook-related jealousy in romantic relationships.” The more time spent clicking, browsing, surfing on Facebook, the more likely jealousy-related feelings and behaviors will be ignited.  There is so much information that can be found on Facebook – whether it is the friending of the opposite sex, writing on the opposite sex’s wall, or being tagged in pictures with the opposite sex. The more information readily available at a partner’s fingertips and the more time spent on looking through this information, the more likely jealousy is in the air. However, as with anything, it is up to the individual personality. If trust is an issue, it is a personal issue – just so happens that the technology is an enabler of such personality issues. Don’t let this be you.

Facebook is brilliant. It connects people from all over the world and maintains, sustains and rehashes new and old friendships. But when an emotional relationship is heavily reliant on Facebook to provide information, Facebook’s users have taken the site too far. So how about we all do ourselves a favor? Let’s get off our ex-boyfriend’s profile; our new love interests posts from 2008; and our crush’s photo albums with the sorority girls. Why don’t we actually logout and spend some quality time with our significant others and embrace the moments? What it comes down to is that sometimes the connection two people have on Facebook is all that the relationship is based on. If boy knows everything about girl and girl knows everything about boy after spending hours clicking and clicking and staring at a computer screen reading posts from exes and old hook-ups from months or even years back, there is no point to the relationship.

He cheated. Now what?

by Michelle Golden

You thought you were head over heels in love. You drew little hearts with a permanent sharpie all over your binder. You had a whole Facebook photo album (or two or three or maybe actually six) devoted to your one and true love. Everyone knew you were definitely off the market when you flashed that promise ring he gave you. But now rumor has it he cheated. So after going to his house, confronting him, shoving a box at him filled with old pictures, just printed pictures, the jewelry box he got you filled with even more pictures, and the teddy bear you named “Scuffles” – you slap him. Typical movie scene. Then you find yourself crying in front of him when he is wrapping his arms around you begging for just one more chance. You think back to the summer when things were perfect. When you are just about to give him another chance, there’s a little voice in the back of your head shouting “no.” And that voice, my friends, is: me. I’m no expert, but here’s what you got to do to kick the jerk out of your life – and move on.

Step #1: Hate Him…Not…Her

As much as you want to hate the (insert any word you want here)…I mean…girl, you shouldn’t – at least not to the same extent. Remember, HE cheated therefore HE was the one who was unfaithful to you. True, if she knew you were in the picture, she was wrong and totally needs to get her morals straightened out. At the same time, she was not the one who would look you in the eye and say, “I love you” or “You mean everything to me, baby” (trust me, we’ve heard it all) and then cheat on you that very night. Hatred towards the girl comes from jealousy – which is a trait we should all steer clear from. We often think, “What does she have that I don’t?” The answer is: nothing. Her brain is most likely half the size of yours. Her teeth are a mustard-yellow color and her mascara runs down her eyes making them look raccoon-like. Okay, so you’ve already stalked her Facebook pictures. You’ve been given that right. Bottom line: Jealousy often leads to becoming a very angry and bitter person. The truth is, stuff happens and things aren’t always meant to be. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are so much prettier because you will never be the other woman.

Step #2: Cry Me a River

Justin Timberlake couldn’t have sung it better. Make a playlist of all (and I mean ALL) the songs that remind you of your ex-boyfriend. Title the playlist “The X Factor” (if you come up with something better, let me know) and then play each song one by one and listen to each. Be sure to keep a box of Kleenex beside you just in case and get into comfy clothing so you can curl up in the fetal position if necessary. Cry until you get so tired of hearing yourself wail that you will eventually want to shut off the music. Sure this sounds depressing, but getting the crying over with is better than prolonging it by keeping all the emotions bottled up inside. Look at the brighter side of things: Now that you know he cheated, you can go after his best friend (who is much, much cuter and has better taste in music.

Step #3: Let it go

Once you have broken up with the cheating jerk and after you’ve cried the Atlantic Ocean, let it go. Don’t try to uncover your hidden folder that’s located somewhere in a folder within a folder on your computer desktop. Stop sending him text messages and answering his phone calls. If he hasn’t been calling you, don’t start calling him. Think about the breakup as if it were a facial. It is a good thing. The facial is meant to get the greasy dirt out of the pores, to relax muscles, and to reduce future blemishes. Likewise, the breakup is a chance for you to start fresh, to feel clean of any dirty residue with the ex and to be able to start over with someone else when the time is right. If a facial is needed for this to happen, then so be it.

Step #4: Know Your Limits

Some people need as little as two weeks to get over a heartbreaking relationship. Others may need two months or even two years. Don’t freak out just yet. If you aren’t ready to get back into the whole dating scene, then don’t. No rush, no worries. Breaking up and getting over someone is also a chance to learn about YOU. What do you do for fun that makes you happy? Whether it is painting, writing, or playing a chord or two on the guitar, perhaps you haven’t paid much attention to these hobbies because of the relationship you were in. Now is a great time to get back into the swing of things and do what you do best. But maybe you’re the “get over someone by getting under someone else” type. If so, it is always good to be careful and to understand that if things don’t work out with Heartbreaker #2, you should do whatever it takes to not crawl back to Heartbreaker #1. He’s still the bad guy. Take time for yourself, because, if you aren’t happy with who you are then how can you ever be happy with someone else? Thank you Hallmark.

Once you get past the first few stages following a breakup, you begin to realize that you do deserve better and that cheating is for losers anyway. Like a “Holiday Barbie” you will be back on the market sooner than you know and eventually you’ll look back on things and wonder,
“What the @#$% was I thinking?”

You can thank me later.

Edit This Fashion Magazines: overcoming distorted realities

Reality vs. Airbrushing. Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris, WireImage | Huffington Post

By Michelle Golden

It’s no surprise that magazines, advertisers, and marketers use the “art” of airbrushing photographs to alter what reality looks like and to convey a certain type of image. Covers of magazines show flawless actors, actresses, singers, and models. We’re all aware of this as consumers. We know these models don’t really look the way they are portrayed on the glossy pages, but for some reason we’re okay with it. We still go ahead and buy the products being advertised or the clothes being modeled. Then we get upset when the bathroom cabinet piles up with a collection of face washes that never really worked, cover –ups that advertise miracles and provide none and mascara that claims to never clump and does so after the first use. Still surprised that Vanessa Hudgens appears to have no zits as she advertises for Neutrogena’s skin clearing cleansers? Don’t be. Two words: Adobe Photoshop.

Recently there has been a lot of talk in the media world concerning the evils of airbrushing, a photo editing technique that is used in the mentioned and infamous Adobe Photoshop, providing a means of shaving off any imperfection. The messages behind many advertisements have been increasingly misleading.

The question major companies have been faced with is when have we taken airbrushing too far?

On September 29 an advertisement that appeared only in Japan, by fashion clothing line Ralph Lauren, featured model Filippa Hamilton who appeared to have a waist smaller than her actual head. Airbrushing images already illustrates an unnatural appearance, but as viewers, we still accept it, because although the models look perfect, oddly enough, we still think this beauty is realistic. However, Ralph Lauren, in this advertisement, showed the world exactly how distorted some perceptions of beauty can be.

Looking at the ad and of this poor model whose body was obviously not accepted for what it was, I couldn’t help but think, “Wow. She doesn’t even look simply skinny. She looks sick.”

After reading follow-up articles, I was astonished and rather revolted at the fact that Ralph Lauren actually had fired this model just a few months before they used her image for the advertisement. Hamilton, who had worked with Ralph Lauren since 2002, said in a New York Daily News article, published October 14, that she was fired because she weighed too much and could no longer fit in the company’s clothes.

Yet, Ralph Lauren still used her face and her body… well, only a sliver. The rest was edited away.

Promoting an unrealistic body image hurts the average teenager in more ways than just one. Do we really want to further encourage eating disorders or other unhealthy lifestyles? No. So how can we, as the voices of the next few generations, and the new faces in the social media world, alter this distorted so-called-ideal perception of beauty? How can we bring the natural back in beautiful?

One of the causes sponsored by JChoice, the new social network engaging Jewish youth in creative ways to make charitable contributions to diverse and meaningful causes of their choice, inspires teens to look beyond appearance. The Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association (MEDA) offers programs to guide teens to make healthy choices that will positively influence their self-esteem individually and those around them. Since food plays such a huge role in our society, family, and different cultures, eating disorders is a horrible aspect of reality that is coupled with the concept of food. Specifically among Jewish preteens and teens, eating disorders have been a prevalent concern. As mentioned on the JChoice website, a study conducted by the Jewish Women International site, has found that three in four Jewish girls between the ages of twelve and fifteen, have engaged in unhealthy eating and weight lifestyles. The mission of MEDA is to reach out to these preteens and teens in Jewish communities and to continuously raise awareness. MEDA reaches out to their targeted communities by creating different projects to remind our youth the importance of staying healthy and loving one’s body. One example of such a project is where interested members design a mirror with affirmations. These mirrors are then delivered to young teens that have been hospitalized for their eating disorders. In my opinion, such a project really emphasizes on the importance of loving the body you’re in. It encourages the power of the mirror as a reflection of one’s self and how essential it is to treat it with the utmost care, because, the body is probably one of the more fragile things in life.

What makes MEDA different from perhaps other health-related organizations is that the actual organization itself is comprised of six members who have recovered from an eating disorder. By being able to relate on such a personal level, these members can truly engage in helping both Jewish and Non-Jewish teens from many different communities recover from the dangers of eating disorders. MEDA partners with other eating disorder treatment facilities nationally. Founded by Rebecca Manley in 1994, MEDA was envisioned upon the idea that it would act as a safe haven for those individuals struggling with an eating disorder and a place where family members and friends of such patients can learn more about the illness and how to support their loved ones.

Through educational presentations, workshops, and speakers, MEDA reaches out to many diverse audiences to explain the causes of the illness and the emotional and physical effects. Together with organizations such as MEDA, we can work towards editing away eating disorders from society and providing a new, healthy model and face for all those magazines creating their own false and dangerous idea of beauty. Together recovery IS possible.

Reconnecting with my Birth Country: how I spent 22 days volunteering on an Israeli army base

by Michelle Golden

I used to look at the piles of photo albums my mom had stashed away in her closet. Photograph after photograph of her, at 18 years old, in army uniform, smiling with the other Israeli soldiers on her base. It depicted a world I would never grow up to learn about once my parents moved to the United States when I was only six months old.

Over 19 years later, I am back in Israel, sitting in a parked Armoured Personnel Carrier (APC) staring up at the Israel summer night sky after a long day of volunteering on the base, wondering why, only now, I’m back in my birth country.

What I quickly realized is how sheltered I was growing up in the States as an American, only worried about GPAs, Grey’s Anatomy and the latest tips in Cosmo. More importantly, I finally understood why my Israeli family always glorified their country back at home and why my cousins were counting down the days until they were old enough to sign up for the army. And us Americans are counting down the days we are of legal age to drink.

See, there’s the difference. Because the love for their country is so strong, Israelis really do show the rest of the world through their brother and sisterhood. Being passionate about a country is to protect the country. Even people who are not citizens of Israel want to join the Israeli army because of the level of dedication. By simply being a volunteer, I wanted to get the same sort of experience, even if I wasn’t to start up basic training in a few months.

My interest in going to see Israel sparked when I went back to my high school at the end of this past May to re-unite with a few old classmates. I remember specifically when someone got up and said they were going to spend a week in Israel. He wasn’t Jewish. He had no connection to Israel. But apparently he did.

Knowing at that point that I needed to go to Israel, I called every agency I could that afternoon. I finally came across Sar-El Volunteers for Israel, a program where students and adults from all over the world can spend a few weeks volunteering on an army base. After talking to the president of the program and submitting the necessary paperwork, I booked my ticket, and left for Tel Aviv, Israel on July 9, 2009.

I remember when I first jumped off the bus that brought us to Mount Hermon, where our base was located at the most northern part of Israel, what we would learn to call home for the next 22 days. Our group excitedly stood outside where the soldiers raise their flag each morning, gawking at the Israelis walking around with guns, drinking Coca-cola, and looking back at us as if they’ve never seen 11 foreigners from different parts of the world with so much luggage, weird clothes, and strange accents. Little did they know, no matter how different we seemed, we all shared the same passion and love for the same country: Israel.

“There’s something about the country, about Israel,” said Sar-El ’09 volunteer Genevieve Reisman from Scarsdale, New York, “Israel is a country where you just don’t feel limited.”

That moment when I felt the limitless possibilities was when I put on the Israeli Defense Forces uniform for the first time. Turning around to show the others, one of my friends had said, “You know you actually look like an Israeli soldier?” At that moment, I suddenly felt this intense feeling of closeness to the country where I was born. I felt like I was a part of the country, the unity, the people, and the togetherness. So maybe I wasn’t serving their country for two years like some others, but I was engrossing myself in an experience of a lifetime. I wanted to feel the passion these Israeli soldiers felt everyday as they stood straight with their weapons at their sides, saluting the Israeli flag. For three weeks I was one of them.

For the Israeli citizen, joining the army is the equivalent to the American going to college upon graduating high school, except it is mandatory. What makes the Israeli and United States army different is that serving the States is on a voluntary basis, whereas it is a requirement of all Israeli men and women once they turn 18.

What I realized while volunteering on the base is that the love for the country is so strong that even people who are not citizens of the country want to enlist. Tzvi Gamsu, one of the volunteers in our group, had decided such when he packed up all his belongings and said goodbye to South Africa. Gamsu realized he wanted to join the Israeli army when he took a look at the Israeli soldiers enlisted and the ones that had just completed their years of service and thought that they were doing something really great and “learning things about life that no where else you can learn.” After selling his car, bike, packing up his room, saying bye to his friends, girlfriend, sister and the rest of his family, Gamsu booked his plane ticket and walked away from the country where he lived his entire life and started a new one in Israel.

Growing up having dual citizenship makes me feel like I can call two countries ‘home.’ After this experience in Israel, I can associate with understanding what culture and unity actually means. In the United States we say we are united for all, but it’s sometimes hard as a 20 year old, one that has grown up in the country and gone to school in the city, to feel it. In Israel, however, it’s hard to not be a part of the community. It seems like Israel is in the news every other day. People have the right to have their own opinion about Israel, but what it comes down to is there are a lot more people out there who want to see Israel continue to grow. I may be a Jew that didn’t grow up immersed in a Jewish education, but after seeing the Israeli lifestyle, I have this new gratification for the country.

I still rely on Cosmo for healthy lifestyle tips, worry about my GPA, and feel the need to keep up with Grey’s Anatomy, but now I identify much more with Israel than I did before and who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually join the Israeli army for more than just three weeks. We’ll see.

Staff

Nikki Roberti

Editor-in-Chief

Nikki Roberti is the Editor-in-Chief and Founder of REALITY Check Girl Magazine, conceptualizing the idea back when she was in high school. As a teenage girl, she had trouble finding a magazine that truly related and applied to her real life. Especially when trying to balance her faith and love for God as a Christian with other things she enjoyed as a normal teen growing up in society (ie. beauty and boys), she felt like sometimes girl magazines were too much “cupcakes and rainbows.”

Her love for journalism began back in the early 90s when she used to watch the television series “Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman,” immediately falling in love with her hero Lois Lane. At age 13, she was the youngest journalist to write for the mother newspaper of USA Today,  Florida Today’s Verge section where she contributed for 5 years. She is nationally known as a Newspaper Association of America Teen Fellow and the female Florida recipient of the Al Neuharth Free Spirit Scholarship for journalism in 2007. She also helped Poynter Institute develop an online course on how to train teen journalists.

Studying journalism at Appalachian State University in Boone, NC., Nikki wrote for the campus newspaper, The Appalachian, as a Lifestyles Reporter and religion columnist for two years, a copy editor for one year, and is currently the Online Editor. She also works as the professional videographer for the Michael Alvarado Band.

Though a journalist through and through, Nikki does surprisingly have a life and enjoys cooking anything and everything, especially cheesecake and Italian food thanks to her heritage. She is also a 7-time award winning playwright with 25 performances of her work under her belt in areas including Florida, Maryland, North Carolina, The Kennedy Center in D.C., Virginia, California, and on Broadway Road in NYC. Like Lois Lane is her journalism hero, Neil Simon is her inspiration as a playwright.

Nikki loves people and seldom sleeps, so if you ever want to talk, shoot her an email at editor.realitycheckgirlmagazine@gmail.com

RESPECT

Editor: Michelle Golden

Michelle Golden is a senior Writing, Literature and Publishing major at Emerson College working towards her Bachelor of Fine Arts. A transfer from Ithaca College in upstate New York, Michelle moved to the center of the Theatre District right outside of the Boston Common at the beginning of her sophomore year. Besides in class, she can be found downtown editing away at articles, transcribing interviews, or reviewing submissions in the Teen Voices magazine office. Additionally, Michelle is the relationships editor for em magazine, Emerson’s only campus lifestyle publication and previously one of the features writers. She has interned at OK! Magazine in New York in the beauty department and will be interning at Us Weekly and Allure during winter break and spring semester, respectively. Michelle has been actively involved in Music Unites, a non-profit based in New York City that raises awareness and funding for music programs in inner-city schools. She has created and is currently implementing the Music Unites on Campus College Representative Program. In addition for her love to keep busy, Michelle enjoys the company of her black and white cat she has named Miley. Email her at michelle_golden@emerson.edu if you want to sing about having the best of both worlds.

ELEGANCE

Editor: Katelyn Stark

Katelyn Stark is a sophomore at Appalachian State University. She came to Boone to follow love but ended up finding God, great friends, and a place to call home. She is currently majoring in history – secondary education. Some people think she’s crazy for wanting to spend the rest of my life in high school but, on the contrary, she can’t wait for the challenge. She has a beautiful family, wonderful parents who are more in love then ever, and two extraordinary sisters who are her best friends. She is also very involved in InterVaristy Christian Fellowship, which is a great campus ministry at ASU. Reading is also a huge component in my life. I am always reading at least two books at one time and force my favorites onto my friends.  I enjoy hiking but will never sleep outside, college football season is my highlight of fall, and spreading the love of Christ is my passion. I believe that loving others is the most important thing one can do in life, and forgiveness, along with grace, are huge components of that.

AMBITION

Editor: Catey Gonzalez

Catey Gonzalez is a 19-year-old sophomore pursuing a Creative Writing degree at Appalachian State University. Her ultimate goal is to become an author and to teach Creative Writing at a university, both of which she thinks God has been nudging her towards for years. Catey has lived in Boone for over half her life now and, though she doesn’t like having to drive several hours for Chili’s, she absolutely loves it here. She also absolutely loves singing, laughing, knitting, authors John Green and Nicole Krauss, Nancy Drew PC games, coloring with Sharpies, and the best TV show ever made: Doctor Who. Even more than those things, she loves her hilarious family and her best friends, Kyle Miller and Jesus Christ.

LOVE

Editor: Emily Herring Dunn

Emily grew up in a very close-knit family: her father (a minister), her mother (the editor of Resepect), and two sisters- one older, one younger. Since birth Emily has never known anything but the love of her family and the love of Christ.

Moving from her parents love to love for her own family, Emily married her high school sweetheart and is still happily married. The two are working hard in school as well as loving unconditionally and growing up together, with the intention of growing old together.
Wanting to write since childhood and gaining the attention of teachers, family friends, and close acquaintances, she is currently working on two novels (and another idea in the making). Making sure she has a back up, her plan is to teach English to middle schoolers or high schoolers until she makes her break as an author (or magazine editor/writer).

Emily is always available to help with relationships and minister as well as God allows her. Although her signature column is “Married in College” she will be more than happy to make exceptions and answer questions or concerns about any sort of relationship. Feel free to e-mail her at love.realitycheckgirlmagazine@gmail.com

INTELLECT

Editor: Laura tabor

TASTE

Editor: (Hiring)

Fashion Editor: (Hiring)

YOUTHFULNESS

Editor: (Hiring)

Contributing Writers

Kelli Curtis

Nicholette von Riche

Nicholette von Reiche is the writer of food columns “Diva Dinners” and “On the low down”. She lives in Manhattan and describes herself as an obsessed foodie who likes anything related to food, food writing, décor, styling, recipe development, food photography and testing and tasting new food. She has a keen interest in style and designs in all their forms. She currently freelances as a recipe developer, food writer, food stylist and consultant.

Nicholette studied Food Science and Nutrition at Cape Town University of Technology (CPUT) in South Africa. Her career in the media industry started when she interned for Ideas Magazine. This creative living magazine is a one stop guide to fresh, modern living for woman with creative flair, woman who love to entertain and beautify their homes with their own unique style. Today Nicholette has freelanced for other food magazines, has worked in events, retail, food recruitment, is skilled in styling, recipe and menu development and much more but she says the Ideas Magazine motto has stuck with her. She likes to take something mundane and make it extraordinary. She aspires to give her readers practical, creative content and strives toward making her work an inspiration of décor, entertainment and food.

Nicholette’s services and examples of her work can be viewed on her website at www.nicholette.biz. Also view her food blog at www.blog.nicholette.biz.

Ronesha Dennis

Ronesha Dennis is a 20 year old, junior journalism major at Howard University. She is an avid reader and music-lover, with shopping, writing and creating poetry as her hobbies. Born in New Orleans where she received “substandard” preparation for journalism, Ronesha one day hopes to start a magazine for students in her hometown so they can obtain the skills she didn’t have the opportunity to learn when she was younger. When Ronesha is not studying or being active on her school’s campus, she is likely watching TV in her dorm room, or out enjoying the District of Columbia with friends. Her favorite stops are the Smithsonian museums and Dupont Circle.

Katherine J. Chen

Katherine J. Chen is a sophomore at Princeton University, where she is majoring in English with a certificate in Creative Writing. She wishes some day to become a blend of David Remnick, Harold Bloom, Anna Wintour, and Northrop Frye. Her dream job is to work as a fiction or poetry editor at “The New Yorker,” a magazine she reads religiously from cover to cover, including all the ads. She is obsessed with writing and editing and maintains what she calls a “Truman Capote” schedule of practicing her art form no less than 2-3 hours every day. These days, Katherine works as a freelance writer, editor, and intern for a variety of magazines, websites, and blogs. When she is not slaving away at her computer, Katherine can be found watching her vast collection of BBC comedies or playing with her 5-year-old Maltese, Einstein.

Joy Smith

November 29, 1988 is a day that will live in infamy. Okay, not INFAMY, but maybe it will become ridiculously well-known after I am world-famous and have a national holiday in my honor. Or maybe it will only be important to my poor mother who had to suffer through nine months with me and my restless limbs. My name is Joy, but almost everyone in the world calls me Joy Beth or JB. I am a voracious reader, avid writer, and neglectful student. I am a Junior English major at Liberty University (Lynchburg, VA), and I absolutely love it here. My goal is to eventually teach… or edit… or write novels… or short stories…. or a magazine column. You get the idea. I’m just your typical girl taking life one day at a time, all the while trying to impress the only Man that matters.

Sophia Vilceus

My name is Sophia Vilceus, a current junior at CUNY City College of New York with a major in English with a concentration in creative writing, with a cumulative GPA of a 3.8.

As a young child my first two languages were both English and Creole. By the time I was placed in elementary school, I had tremendous difficulties not intertwining and confusing the two languages and actually had to be placed in ESL (although I was born in New York). I believe by trying to perfect these two languages at a young age, my love of language, words, and writing blossomed—by merely attempting to better my communication skills, I in turn met my first love, which was words.
I aspire to become a renowned writer, a person who is respected and admired for her craft, one who leaves a lasting imprint on literature itself.

Arielle Sobov

Arielle Sobov is a senior journalism major at Quinnipiac University. You can usually find her shopping at local boutiques or laughing at her own jokes. Extremely energetic and positive, Arielle is always looking for an adventure or something new to try. She is an absolute Jersey girl at heart and one day wants to go on tour with a band. A passion for writing and journalism since the day she learned how to hold a pen, she can’t wait to make her break into the magazine world. She is inspired by strong women, good taste in fashion and people who are not afraid to express themselves. In a few words, Arielle is a small girl with a huge heart and even bigger dreams.

Amy Marturana

Amy Marturana is a sophomore at Syracuse University.  She is a Magazine Journalism major in the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications.  Amy plans to also major in Spanish, and is going to spend a semester abroad in Spain.  She is also completing a focus in Fashion and Beauty Communications, since she loves everything about clothes and fashion.  Amy’s family is the most important thing in the world to her, and she is so thankful to have such amazing, loving people in her life.  She is also proud to be a member of the Chi chapter of Kappa Alpha Theta, and is lucky to have awesome friends she can call sisters.  Amy loves to travel, and hopes to snag a job after she graduates that will allow her to do a lot of it (Oh hey, National Geographic ;] ).  When Amy isn’t busy with schoolwork or working at Forever 21, she is either relaxing spending time with friends, hanging out with her mom, listening to Britney Spears (don’t judge), dancing or eating (most likely something very unhealthy).  She is also an active member of comm.Unity, a communications club at SU that does free work for local non-profit organizations.  Amy writes for the Elegance and Ambition beats of REALITY Check Girl, so check out her articles every month!

Janie Dumbleton

Janie Dumbleton is a junior at the University of Georgia where she studies English and Religion. After graduating college she aspires to attend graduate school and pursue writing and design careers. She enjoys volunteering in her community and when free time works itself into her schedule; she loves to create by knitting, sewing, embroidering, and any other crafty activity. Alongside writing and crafting, photography is a new hobby quickly working its way into her favorite activities. Ferris wheels, wind chimes, Polaroid’s, and puns are some of her favorite points of inspiration. Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, she loves sunny days and the prosperity of nature. Her free-spirited attitude allows her to see life as a journey with avenues always open. She is extremely excited about REALITY Check and its future and writes for the Fashion and Respect portions of the magazine.

Courtney Miller

Courtney Miller is a junior journalism major at Ithaca College in New York.  She enjoys water sports in the summer with her best friend, film-making and over-analyzing television shows.  She is most relaxed when she swims and most energized in a crowd of a thousand rocking out to tobyMac.  Her floor is scattered with old issues of Vogue and Vanity Fair and she has a Roger Federer Beanie bear perched on the bookshelf.  She grew up on a steady diet of Veggie Tales and Roma Downey out in the midwest and wants to travel the world.

Laura Blythe

Laura Blythe is a junior Creative Writing major at the University of Missouri in Columbia, Missouri. Her ultimate goal in life is undetermined, but she’s convinced it will have something to do with children and writing, two of her greatest loves. Between writing for class and for fun, her awesome campus ministry and the amazing youth group she’s blessed to work with, Laura has little spare time. But when she can find a minute, she’s usually in the kitchen baking, cheering on the St. Louis Cardinals, or discussing theology with any one of her wonderful friends. She takes comfort each day in knowing that her life is in the capable hands of her Savior, who will never leave her side.

Laura Kuhns

Laura Kuhns is a senior at Appalachian State University majoring in Chemistry and minoring in Criminal Law and Biology.  Though it seems like a daunting task, Laura continuous reminds herself of her higher calling to be a mission Pharmacist to those who need to hear the good news of Jesus Christ.  When it comes to the things that bring her great joy, she loves: to listen to music, watch Gilmore Girls, and crazy adventures on the Blue Ridge Parkway, whenever the opportunity arises.  The shelves in her room are always full of Jane Austin’s greatest works and any book that might help her escape for a few moments.  Without going into illustrious detail, Laura is simply a woman who longs to follow the Lord and all He has in store for her life.

Kelly Grenfell

Kelly Grenfell works full-time at Azusa Pacific University. She is the Program Coordinator for their Center of Global Learning and Engagement office (Basically study abroad office) Her basic work duties involve meeting with students for advising appointments, processing paperwork, planning events, learning about new countries and programs, and pulling pranks on her co-workers. She graduated from Azusa Pacific University May 2009 with a B.A. in Journalism and minor in Psychology. She misses her college friends immensely, but is happy to be living in Southern California again, so long as the sun is shining. I need my Vitamin D! In her free time she likes to go to the gym, read Marie Claire, collect classic literature, hang out with friends, waste time on Facebook, eat chocolate, catch up on her MANY TV show addictions (i.e. Gossip Girl, SYTYCD, Glee, The Office, and is anxiously awaiting the return of Chuck and LOST), and of course write for REALITY Check every month.