It’s complicated, thanks to Facebook

By Michelle Golden

In today’s dating world, technology defines relationships. Sure, there is still a dating scene- but the definition of a relationship has been morphed through sexts, tagged Facebook statuses, and dedicated Taylor Swift lyrics in the form of away messages. While this new tech-savy Facebook has certainly helped many aspects of human interaction in the business world, the romantic hemisphere has unquestionably suffered.

Facebook has morphed from a small and private social media network site for specifically college students to becoming a tool for exploitation for the entire world. People can broadcast absolutely anything they want on Facebook for the whole “FB” population to view. Status updates allow people to say what’s on their mind and the Facebook profile as a whole allows people to mirror how they see themselves in everyday non-virtual life. A change in relationship status announces single-lady status, commitment, or swinger-status. People even fake relationships for reasons that can vary across the globe.

It seems like these days the meaning of “relationship” is only implied if it is made “Facebook Official.” If it’s not Facebook Official then the relationship hasn’t been taken to an appropriate level. But why is the Facebook relationship status so essential to modern day relationships and what does it exactly mean?

By being in an established relationship on Facebook, a social appearance has been made in cyber-space. Once the relationship status has been changed from “single” to “in a relationship” to “in a relationship with Jane Doe” news of such events have been plastered on the newsfeed of all 976 friends. This news ignites curiosity. People want to know the details after such news has been released to the Facebook community. And when a break-up occurs? Oh, you bet your butt people want to know what happened. Questions involving the five W’s will be flying from all directions. When Facebook just came out, people would KNOW exactly what time the Facebook break-up occurred. A broken heart used to be visible on everyone’s newsfeed as soon as Steve and Jill broke up. The concept is almost heartbreaking in itself. Is nothing even private anymore?

Not really. Nowadays, the dating scene has been pushed more and more towards sexual encounters at hotel parties rather than pure emotional attraction and then illustrated by drunken tagged pictures the next morning. Partygoers can expect to have new friend requests waiting in cyberspace even if it is at 3:28 am – moments after stepping out of the cab upon returning from the party. On Facebook, reality is, you can and will be found – one way or another. This can be followed by a dependency on Facebook to further pursue a possible relationship with last night’s hookup. It’s okay though, because everyone is doing it. No pun intended.

Although Facebook allows for social interaction, networking, and, of course, procrastination – it has also provoked jealousy. Years ago girls didn’t have any initial substantial proof of their boyfriends talking to other people of the female race because Mark Zuckerberg wasn’t born yet to invent the Facebook wall and honesty boxes. Before Facebook, we didn’t have the conscious need to keep looking. When there is a constant dependency to stay connected online and check out the significant other’s profile page, the sadness of it all is that the real relationship has never been so disconnected. Just a few years ago, relationships were more natural because people actually had to spend real time getting to know someone by talking and engaging in an in-depth conversation. Nowadays, do we even know what it is like to get to know each other face-to-face?

With that being said, is Facebook the new homewrecker? The relationship buster? The cheating ex-boyfriend? A study published in the CyberPsychology & Behavior Journal analyzed the effect of Facebook use on the romantic relationships of college students. The study claimed, “Increased Facebook use significantly predicts Facebook-related jealousy in romantic relationships.” The more time spent clicking, browsing, surfing on Facebook, the more likely jealousy-related feelings and behaviors will be ignited.  There is so much information that can be found on Facebook – whether it is the friending of the opposite sex, writing on the opposite sex’s wall, or being tagged in pictures with the opposite sex. The more information readily available at a partner’s fingertips and the more time spent on looking through this information, the more likely jealousy is in the air. However, as with anything, it is up to the individual personality. If trust is an issue, it is a personal issue – just so happens that the technology is an enabler of such personality issues. Don’t let this be you.

Facebook is brilliant. It connects people from all over the world and maintains, sustains and rehashes new and old friendships. But when an emotional relationship is heavily reliant on Facebook to provide information, Facebook’s users have taken the site too far. So how about we all do ourselves a favor? Let’s get off our ex-boyfriend’s profile; our new love interests posts from 2008; and our crush’s photo albums with the sorority girls. Why don’t we actually logout and spend some quality time with our significant others and embrace the moments? What it comes down to is that sometimes the connection two people have on Facebook is all that the relationship is based on. If boy knows everything about girl and girl knows everything about boy after spending hours clicking and clicking and staring at a computer screen reading posts from exes and old hook-ups from months or even years back, there is no point to the relationship.