He cheated. Now what?

by Michelle Golden

You thought you were head over heels in love. You drew little hearts with a permanent sharpie all over your binder. You had a whole Facebook photo album (or two or three or maybe actually six) devoted to your one and true love. Everyone knew you were definitely off the market when you flashed that promise ring he gave you. But now rumor has it he cheated. So after going to his house, confronting him, shoving a box at him filled with old pictures, just printed pictures, the jewelry box he got you filled with even more pictures, and the teddy bear you named “Scuffles” – you slap him. Typical movie scene. Then you find yourself crying in front of him when he is wrapping his arms around you begging for just one more chance. You think back to the summer when things were perfect. When you are just about to give him another chance, there’s a little voice in the back of your head shouting “no.” And that voice, my friends, is: me. I’m no expert, but here’s what you got to do to kick the jerk out of your life – and move on.

Step #1: Hate Him…Not…Her

As much as you want to hate the (insert any word you want here)…I mean…girl, you shouldn’t – at least not to the same extent. Remember, HE cheated therefore HE was the one who was unfaithful to you. True, if she knew you were in the picture, she was wrong and totally needs to get her morals straightened out. At the same time, she was not the one who would look you in the eye and say, “I love you” or “You mean everything to me, baby” (trust me, we’ve heard it all) and then cheat on you that very night. Hatred towards the girl comes from jealousy – which is a trait we should all steer clear from. We often think, “What does she have that I don’t?” The answer is: nothing. Her brain is most likely half the size of yours. Her teeth are a mustard-yellow color and her mascara runs down her eyes making them look raccoon-like. Okay, so you’ve already stalked her Facebook pictures. You’ve been given that right. Bottom line: Jealousy often leads to becoming a very angry and bitter person. The truth is, stuff happens and things aren’t always meant to be. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are so much prettier because you will never be the other woman.

Step #2: Cry Me a River

Justin Timberlake couldn’t have sung it better. Make a playlist of all (and I mean ALL) the songs that remind you of your ex-boyfriend. Title the playlist “The X Factor” (if you come up with something better, let me know) and then play each song one by one and listen to each. Be sure to keep a box of Kleenex beside you just in case and get into comfy clothing so you can curl up in the fetal position if necessary. Cry until you get so tired of hearing yourself wail that you will eventually want to shut off the music. Sure this sounds depressing, but getting the crying over with is better than prolonging it by keeping all the emotions bottled up inside. Look at the brighter side of things: Now that you know he cheated, you can go after his best friend (who is much, much cuter and has better taste in music.

Step #3: Let it go

Once you have broken up with the cheating jerk and after you’ve cried the Atlantic Ocean, let it go. Don’t try to uncover your hidden folder that’s located somewhere in a folder within a folder on your computer desktop. Stop sending him text messages and answering his phone calls. If he hasn’t been calling you, don’t start calling him. Think about the breakup as if it were a facial. It is a good thing. The facial is meant to get the greasy dirt out of the pores, to relax muscles, and to reduce future blemishes. Likewise, the breakup is a chance for you to start fresh, to feel clean of any dirty residue with the ex and to be able to start over with someone else when the time is right. If a facial is needed for this to happen, then so be it.

Step #4: Know Your Limits

Some people need as little as two weeks to get over a heartbreaking relationship. Others may need two months or even two years. Don’t freak out just yet. If you aren’t ready to get back into the whole dating scene, then don’t. No rush, no worries. Breaking up and getting over someone is also a chance to learn about YOU. What do you do for fun that makes you happy? Whether it is painting, writing, or playing a chord or two on the guitar, perhaps you haven’t paid much attention to these hobbies because of the relationship you were in. Now is a great time to get back into the swing of things and do what you do best. But maybe you’re the “get over someone by getting under someone else” type. If so, it is always good to be careful and to understand that if things don’t work out with Heartbreaker #2, you should do whatever it takes to not crawl back to Heartbreaker #1. He’s still the bad guy. Take time for yourself, because, if you aren’t happy with who you are then how can you ever be happy with someone else? Thank you Hallmark.

Once you get past the first few stages following a breakup, you begin to realize that you do deserve better and that cheating is for losers anyway. Like a “Holiday Barbie” you will be back on the market sooner than you know and eventually you’ll look back on things and wonder,
“What the @#$% was I thinking?”

You can thank me later.