Getting Married Young: Advice from someone who did it

By Emily Herring Dunn

I know that I have my regular column entitled Married in College, but I thought it may be refreshing to write an actual article on being married young. After all, many of you may be nearing an age where you feel ready to be with that person whom you love.

My husband and I knew each other all through high school. Though we were friends and we were there to support each other through rough times, we were not romantically involved until our senior year of high school. In the first month of our freshman year of college, we eloped.

While this may seem extreme and not well thought out to many of you readers, we are still going strong and still feel like we did when we first started dating.

It’s not easy. Being married young is NOT easy. No matter how easy people may make it look on the television or through articles or books, it is not easy.

I think it’s and for people who got married young to admit the trials and tribulations they faced. Why? Because when you marry young you are automatically put into a category of concern. People do not understand why you couldn’t wait; if it’s so meant to be, why can’t the couple wait a few more years?

Everyone has their reasons, but being in a category that is so questioned these days makes it hard for younger couples to admit they’re struggling. Getting married young is typically viewed as a mistake to the outside world, so for those who got married young they have to stay strong and appear as though nothing is ever wrong.

OK, you may think that’s a little over the top. There are the few who look at young married couples with admiration and wish that they could do the exact same thing. Perhaps others have patience, perhaps others aren’t sure, or perhaps others wait because they don’t want to be seen as other young married couples.

I cannot speak for everyone. I can simply give you some pointers.

One: If you feel as though you are ready to be married, make sure you talk it through. Don’t just get up and get married because others are telling you not to, or because you want to prove people wrong. Those are NOT good reasons. Get married because you know it’s right, because you know you don’t want to wait another day to start your forever together. Don’t get married for sex. Talk everything through and make sure you are getting married for the right reasons.

Two: Look at your financial situation. One thing I do look back on and laugh at is that Clark and I were not ready financially. We were both college students and the only reason we had money is because I had quite a bit saved from babysitting the year before. Neither of us had “real” jobs, and we were trying to make it in school. If you’re going to get married, you need a support system—friends, family, finances. Clark and I didn’t have any of those, possibly because we didn’t tell anyone we were getting married. Make sure you have enough money to stabilize yourselves in the beginning—especially if you are both in college.

Three: Talk to others about it. Clark and I were concerned that no one else would understand. We told my roommate, a few close friends, and hoped for the best. The day we got married, we e-mailed both of our parents a long letter explaining why. While I know that their advice would have been full of questions of, “How are you going to,” “Don’t you think you should,” “You are far too young,” I think we could have handled it. I think we would have seen things we didn’t think about, and things we needed to wait on, but I know we still would have done it. Premarital counseling, I think, is important; though we didn’t go through it, I think it’s a good suggestion—especially if you’re young. You need to have someone else talk you through situations, point out the importance of communication, and so on. We didn’t get all of that until after we were married, and I think the first few months would have been a lot easier had we talked to our closest friends and family.

The times that we live in do not support young marriages. Women and men are supposed to go out and establish themselves on their own. However, I think that if you are ready—you’re ready. If you know, you know. No one else can make the decision for you, but I think it’s a decision that is not to be made lightly and should only be carried out if you are completely positive.

While my three pointers left out the most important in my opinion, I thought it would be best to end with.

The Most Important thing to Remember: Always put God first. In the relationship, you must remember that there is Someone who needs to come before your spouse. It should be God, each other, and then everybody and everything else. God is always first, and if He is not first in your relationship, then you need to rethink your decision. Clark and I struggled with God in the beginning because we were so enamored with each other that we seemed to forget Him. Talk to Him about it, pray about it… because only He can give you the right answer.

Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will make in your entire life. It doesn’t matter if you decide when you’re 18 or when you’re 65 as long as you’re sure it’s the right decision, the right person, and God is not going to be pushed aside for it.

I married at age 18. Now, at age 21, I look back and know that I would still make the same decision, with the same man, but I would tweak it just a bit. I would make sure we had the support systems, would make sure we talked to someone, and would enforce the most important thing to remember: that God was first in the decision.

Married in College: A Family Visit

By Emily Herring Dunn

Now that you know the condition our apartment was in, you can understand the stress that would come with a family visit.

In April Clark and I prepared for my mom and little sister to visit from Germany. They were coming for my birthday as well as my older sister’s graduation from Roanoke College in VA. We had a fun-filled planned vacation, but my mom and little sister were not prepared for Homespun Hills.

The other thing that we all weren’t prepared for?

Possessiveness.

When my mom and little sister visited, all of a sudden I was possessive of everything. After all, it was our house. I was angry when they insulted anything, upset when they didn’t consult me about their plans—even if I was in class.

The first visit of my family coming to stay with us did not go entirely as smoothly as planned.

My mom and little sister arrived shortly before my birthday. The plans we had for while they were “in town” was simply to go to the outlet stores up the mountain. Mom said she would take me on a mini-shopping trip for my birthday, and my little sister wanted me to help her pick out some clothes.

Well, the day after they arrived I left my house key with them and went to class. My mom wanted to run a few errands, and she needed the house key, obviously, to get back in.

Well, when I returned from class my mom and little sister were gone.

Clark had one key, and they had the other. Luckily, one of our windows didn’t lock, so I took my time (this wasn’t the first time) maneuvering the window to get it open and get in to the house.

I was furious.

I had told them what time I was done with class, and had thought we were going shopping when I got home. Mom said she just wanted to go here and there and would be back in time. How could they be so inconsiderate?

Between 30 minutes to an hour later they walked in carrying shopping bags.

I started spouting.

I gave them evil looks and wondered what on earth had happened. I thought we were all going shopping together. Did they forget what time my classes were over? I had to break in to my own apartment because they were out doing something we were supposed to be doing together!

After my mom explained and my little sister cried, we all settled down. However, this was only the beginning.

My birthday was on a Friday that year, but we had decided to drive to the outer banks for the weekend. We couldn’t leave until around 4, though, because Clark had to work. Though he assured us we’d get there in good time, mom didn’t know good time still meant 11:30pm.

The whole way there she muttered about his driving under her breath. It took all of Clark to keep his patience, and most of the time all of him lost.

When we first stopped for gas, and Clark asked mom to fill up, there was a conflict. Clark spilled out the how much we really had in our bank account, and then I was furious for letting my mother know how destitute we were.

Oh, how the list goes on.

While the weekend at the beach went very well, it was later that the true blow up occurred.

When we returned I had exams to take and we were going to have a “real” birthday celebration with a cake and such. While I was studying, my mom decided to invite our neighbor over for the birthday celebration. While I appreciated her thoughtfulness, I was annoyed.

I wanted my birthday to be with my family, only. After all, they were there for it—why did we have to invite our 40 year old neighbor who we saw everyday?

I started yelling.

I was yelling about my birthday, about my exams, about mom and Molly not respecting our house—everything.

I then commenced to tell our neighbor that my mom wasn’t feeling well and would he mind if we just sent over some food. My mom emerged from the apartment and started yelling at me, in front of our neighbor, telling me not to lie.

Our poor neighbor.

Clark pulled us in to the apartment and played peace maker, which was surprising because he and my mom had been complaining about each other to me just earlier that day. We then went back to apologize to our neighbor after Clark had calmed us down.

While the visit ended up being wonderful, it was a lesson-learning experience.

I learned that my mother is always going to be my mother, even in my house.

I learned that Clark and I still had a lot of growing up to do before we were ready for relatives to stay with us.

I learned that Clark and I had to establish ourselves as our own entity, our own family.

I learned that my parents, and Clark’s parents, still had a lot of accepting to do.

I learned that everything was going to take time.

I learned that everything would be OK as long as we kept putting God first.

So, this column probably isn’t as entertaining as the last few. I must say that while the visit still sticks out in my mind, I can’t remember a lot of the details. I can’t remember my exact words or my mother’s, I can’t remember Clark’s attitude before or after he played peace maker, and I can’t remember exactly all that my neighbor had to endure.

What I can remember is that we got through it. We survived the first visit of others that were to come, and I finished my first spring semester of college.

We had no idea what was on our schedules for the next year.

Mother’s Day Tributes!

RCG Mag staff wanted to take a moment to shout out to their special mom’s this month! So take a moment and read up on why we love our mom’s…then go hug yours or any other inspiring woman in your life. Here’s to the strong, empowered women of our lives! Happy Mother’s Day!

Amy Marturana

My mother is my best friend… maybe it’s a special bond we have because we share the same birthday, or maybe it’s just because she is such a compassionate, comforting and understanding woman.  My mother is stylish… we share our clothes.  My mother is more popular than I am… we can’t go to any store without her seeing someone she knows. But most of all, my mother is an inspiration. I have never met a person with more strength and optimism than my mother, and I doubt I ever will.  There’s nothing she can’t do.  She graduated from college, had a full time job, raised two kids, and most amazingly, fought cancer.  The things she has gone through just within the past year of her life are more than most people would ever be able to bear.  But not my mother.  Sure, there are tough days… she’s only human.  But the way she faces the world in such a confident, optimistic and fearless way, makes me want to look life in the eyes and challenge it the same way.  Seeing my mother’s strength and heart gives me the strength to get through the tough days. She gives me the power to see the good among the painfully unfair things that have been thrown our way.  And most of all, she gives me support, love and solidarity when I feel like life may be falling apart right in front of me.  I have never stopped learning from her, and I know I never will.  So, thanks mom…you’re pretty great.  Happy Mother’s Day, I love you!

Sarah Buzzelli

Words can’t describe the love and respect I have for my mom.  The older I become, the more I realize all she has done for me.  Not only is she my mom, but she is my best friend. This past year has brought some difficult situations my way, and my mom has stood by my side through them all.  She is there for me no matter what I say or do, and I can never thank her enough.  What I love most about her is that she strives to be a Godly example for me. The way she lives her life is a testimony to me, and I am forever grateful for this.  Her patience, love, kindness, and courage are all parts of her loving and charitable personality that I respect and hope to attain.  God has blessed me with a wonderful mother who loves and worships Him, and radiates compassion and forgiveness.  I am so thankful for her, and I couldn’t ask for a better mom.

Emily Raush

When I look at my mom, I see the kind of woman I desire to be. With four children, she takes joy in putting all her time into supporting us in everything we do. She is such an encouragement to my life and has taught me what it looks like to be a hard-working, genuine, compassionate and godly lady. I am amazed at her selfless desire to help other people, no matter who they are or how busy she is. My mom is the epitome of the godly woman described in Proverbs 31, specifically verses 25-26: “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.” My mom is not only my role model, but she is also one of my best friends, and I so much appreciate how she is always there to listen to me, understand and offer godly advice. Even when I don’t treat her the way that I should, she chooses to love me no matter what. I cannot begin to express how thankful I am for my mom. God has really blessed me with her and my dad; I could not ask for a greater example of Christ’s love. Happy Mother’s Day Mommy…I love you!

Courtney Miller

When I was a senior in high school, my senior prom fell overnight into Mother’s Day.  When they didn’t have enough volunteers to work the 11pm to 5am after-prom event, my mom chose to begin her Sunday in a high school cafeteria.  And when we woke up mid-day after getting home, she made a full breakfast for ten people. This is why my mom is amazing: she has been a caterer, a driver, a hostess, a boss, a chaperone, a psychologist and an audience.  She has sat through enough bad violin concerts and grade school plays to fill a scrapbook.  She has two kids but plays an integral role in several of their friends’ lives. Yes, sometimes I think she mothers too much and we have our share of squabbles.  I still get frustrated when I’m home from college and she makes me text her telling her I’ve reached a friend’s house.  But I know she does it because she loves me. She’s always looking out for me.  If the world had more people that cared as much, it would be a better place. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Angel Neal

I would like to wish my mother Cheryl Neal a Happy Mothers Day. My mom has always been there for me when I needed her to. Ever since I was born she has put in a hundred in ten percent to help me an anyway that she could. I know sometimes we can have our arguments, but I believe it’s because we’re so much like each other. I want to thank her for raising me to be a beautiful classy young woman just like herself. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. At the end of the day in many cases she is the only one who understands. I don’t tell her enough how much I appreciate her and love her so I want to take the time out and thank my mommy. I love you!

Samantha Highfill

From my genes to my strength, I am my mother’s daughter. Most importantly, she is the reason that I’m alive, but she’s also the reason behind who I am. She gives me my independence when I need it and she offers advice when I ask. She accepts me and she loves me. I admire her from a distance as she leads by example, running her own company and being a successful woman in a patriarchal corporate world. She’s my best friend, but let’s not forget, she’s also the reason for my great hair. You always hear people say that they can never repay their mothers and it’s at this point in my life when I realize just how true that is. I can only hope to one day become for my daughter what my mother is for me – my core.

Catey Gonzalez

Happy Mother’s Day to my wonderful mom, Christine Louise Russell Gonzalez. I love you for “oofy poofy oofy poofy, nope!” and “Koala Lou, I love you.” I love you for all the years of home schooling I wouldn’t trade for anything (if I’m a genius—and I am—it’s only because of you!). I love you for being my favorite person to weep copiously about movies with. I love you for raising me to love God, and for not raising me to be one of “those girls.” I love you for all the times in the last few years you’ve pushed and encouraged me, to help me become the kind of woman I want to be. Not to mention you’re way more beautiful than all the other *cough*-year-old moms around! I love you Momma, big as the world.

Non-Stop Honor: How to Love Your Mom 365 Days a Year

By Catey Gonzalez

In Exodus chapter 20, God gave His people ten basic instructions for how to live an upright life. When you really think about, ten rules is not all that many; obviously God meant for us to pay special attention to these ten things, above everything else. Fairly high on this list of ten—number five—is “honor your father and mother.” Added to the end of that command is a promise from God: that “your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” This promise refers specifically to the promised land God was giving to his people in the book of Exodus, but even today, all these thousands of years later, the implication remains that honoring your parents is a really important thing to God.

This month we will set aside a day to honor our mothers. At my house, this will entail breakfast in bed, a few gifts, lunch at her favorite restaurant, and probably flowers—all to show my mom that we think she’s wonderful and we love her. Mother’s Day, no matter how simply or how extravagantly you acknowledge it, is truly a great thing. However, when God instructs us to honor our mothers, He probably didn’t quite mean giving them one day out of the year and being content with that. The question we should ask ourselves, then, is how can we show our mothers honor throughout the year? To answer this question, I think it is important to first know what the word “honor” actually means.

The first definition Dictionary.Com gives for the verb form of this word is “to hold in high respect.”  You can show that you hold your mom in high respect in a hundred different ways, from small things like answering in full sentences instead of mumbling when she asks you about your day, to bigger things like vacuuming or washing all the dishes without being asked. Respect can be a tricky concept to grasp, however; it can take so many different forms, and it means something different to each person (Aretha didn’t say “find out what it means to everyone!”). Ultimately this particular expression of honor will depend on your individual relationship with your mother. If you’re not sure what your mom thinks of when she thinks of respect, it’s not a bad idea to just ask her directly! It sounds corny, but she’s likely to be thrilled that you really want to know.

Dictionary.Com’s second entry for the verb “honor” is “to revere.” A better word for “revere” might be “admire.” There are many ways to let your mother know that you admire her. One of the best ways might be to tell friends how much you appreciate her, while she’s there. But advice like this is not hard to come by. We girls are told fairly often, by our churches or our grandparents or our favorite piece of chick-lit, that it’s important that our moms know we admire them. We know it’s important to externally show our admiration; it might, therefore, be more important to work on internalizing this particular component of honor. Sure, we can remember to find a way of showing our admiration a few times per month or even per week, but do we really believe our own words on a daily basis? God’s desire, according to His command in Exodus, is that we honor our mothers not occasionally but with our lives—and that includes consistently revering them in our hearts.

I’m not at all trying to say that Mother’s Day is pointless or that it’s not a good way to honor our mothers. The Oxford English dictionary includes a definition that Dictionary.Com leaves out: “to celebrate.” We rightfully set aside one Sunday every May to celebrate the women who mean the most to us, whether it be with cards or food or gifts or just an extra long hug. But I would suggest that this year we should try to keep the values of Mother’s Day dear to our hearts long after May has come and gone. Imagine how honored your mom would feel if she was surprised with breakfast in bed in the middle of October!

It’s complicated, thanks to Facebook

By Michelle Golden

In today’s dating world, technology defines relationships. Sure, there is still a dating scene- but the definition of a relationship has been morphed through sexts, tagged Facebook statuses, and dedicated Taylor Swift lyrics in the form of away messages. While this new tech-savy Facebook has certainly helped many aspects of human interaction in the business world, the romantic hemisphere has unquestionably suffered.

Facebook has morphed from a small and private social media network site for specifically college students to becoming a tool for exploitation for the entire world. People can broadcast absolutely anything they want on Facebook for the whole “FB” population to view. Status updates allow people to say what’s on their mind and the Facebook profile as a whole allows people to mirror how they see themselves in everyday non-virtual life. A change in relationship status announces single-lady status, commitment, or swinger-status. People even fake relationships for reasons that can vary across the globe.

It seems like these days the meaning of “relationship” is only implied if it is made “Facebook Official.” If it’s not Facebook Official then the relationship hasn’t been taken to an appropriate level. But why is the Facebook relationship status so essential to modern day relationships and what does it exactly mean?

By being in an established relationship on Facebook, a social appearance has been made in cyber-space. Once the relationship status has been changed from “single” to “in a relationship” to “in a relationship with Jane Doe” news of such events have been plastered on the newsfeed of all 976 friends. This news ignites curiosity. People want to know the details after such news has been released to the Facebook community. And when a break-up occurs? Oh, you bet your butt people want to know what happened. Questions involving the five W’s will be flying from all directions. When Facebook just came out, people would KNOW exactly what time the Facebook break-up occurred. A broken heart used to be visible on everyone’s newsfeed as soon as Steve and Jill broke up. The concept is almost heartbreaking in itself. Is nothing even private anymore?

Not really. Nowadays, the dating scene has been pushed more and more towards sexual encounters at hotel parties rather than pure emotional attraction and then illustrated by drunken tagged pictures the next morning. Partygoers can expect to have new friend requests waiting in cyberspace even if it is at 3:28 am – moments after stepping out of the cab upon returning from the party. On Facebook, reality is, you can and will be found – one way or another. This can be followed by a dependency on Facebook to further pursue a possible relationship with last night’s hookup. It’s okay though, because everyone is doing it. No pun intended.

Although Facebook allows for social interaction, networking, and, of course, procrastination – it has also provoked jealousy. Years ago girls didn’t have any initial substantial proof of their boyfriends talking to other people of the female race because Mark Zuckerberg wasn’t born yet to invent the Facebook wall and honesty boxes. Before Facebook, we didn’t have the conscious need to keep looking. When there is a constant dependency to stay connected online and check out the significant other’s profile page, the sadness of it all is that the real relationship has never been so disconnected. Just a few years ago, relationships were more natural because people actually had to spend real time getting to know someone by talking and engaging in an in-depth conversation. Nowadays, do we even know what it is like to get to know each other face-to-face?

With that being said, is Facebook the new homewrecker? The relationship buster? The cheating ex-boyfriend? A study published in the CyberPsychology & Behavior Journal analyzed the effect of Facebook use on the romantic relationships of college students. The study claimed, “Increased Facebook use significantly predicts Facebook-related jealousy in romantic relationships.” The more time spent clicking, browsing, surfing on Facebook, the more likely jealousy-related feelings and behaviors will be ignited.  There is so much information that can be found on Facebook – whether it is the friending of the opposite sex, writing on the opposite sex’s wall, or being tagged in pictures with the opposite sex. The more information readily available at a partner’s fingertips and the more time spent on looking through this information, the more likely jealousy is in the air. However, as with anything, it is up to the individual personality. If trust is an issue, it is a personal issue – just so happens that the technology is an enabler of such personality issues. Don’t let this be you.

Facebook is brilliant. It connects people from all over the world and maintains, sustains and rehashes new and old friendships. But when an emotional relationship is heavily reliant on Facebook to provide information, Facebook’s users have taken the site too far. So how about we all do ourselves a favor? Let’s get off our ex-boyfriend’s profile; our new love interests posts from 2008; and our crush’s photo albums with the sorority girls. Why don’t we actually logout and spend some quality time with our significant others and embrace the moments? What it comes down to is that sometimes the connection two people have on Facebook is all that the relationship is based on. If boy knows everything about girl and girl knows everything about boy after spending hours clicking and clicking and staring at a computer screen reading posts from exes and old hook-ups from months or even years back, there is no point to the relationship.

Our Boy Troy: Questions about unfaithfulness and what’s with girls & jerks?

Me Days My Way

By Laura Blythe

Not having a significant other doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your youth—all you need are some of your friends and a little imagination! Here are some ideas to get you started:

Spa Night:

Find a friend with a good sized bathroom complete with a tub. Gather a bunch of girls, some make-up, and pampering supplies. Spend the evening doing each other’s nails, make-up and hair, and finish with a silly photo shoot. This type of night gets even better if you make and eat lots of goodies.

Dinner Party:

Grab some of your single guy friends and invite them over for dinner! Everyone can pitch in in the kitchen, whether they help cook or help clean. Afterward, settle in for some movie watching—let the boys pick one flick, and the girls can pick another.

Girl Power Movie Night:

Gather your girlfriends and settle in for an entire evening of movies featuring strong women. This might not be the night to watch endless love stories and romantic comedies, so it might be a good idea to stick to movies like Mulan, Charlie’s Angels, and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

No Date? No Problem! Five ways to have fun being single!

By Christie Chu

Spring is in the air, but just because your friends are pairing off like bunnies, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun too! Take charge and plan a fabulous ME DAY for yourself! Grab your closest friends and make some memories you won’t have to toss out with dried flowers and old mixed CDs.

Make Some Money

Forget about the lovey-dovey stuff hoopla—get practical this year! Find your inner entrepreneur and put a little cash in your pocket.

Do you cook or play an instrument? Do you have a bike? Can you take care of noisy kids for a couple of hours? Spend this Spring being good to your bank account. Find a talent you can use to benefit someone else’s romantic evening, and capitalize on it by charging a fee for your performance or help.

Start by putting the word out early. Distribute fliers or alert your friends that you’re available to cook a gourmet meal, play some mood music during a romantic dinner at home, or let local parents know you’re willing to babysit. You can even offer to professionally wrap and deliver gifts.

Play Secret Cupid

Get a group together and make an ironclad no-date pact. Write each person’s name on a piece of paper, shuffle them up, and have everyone choose one. (You know how Secret Santa works!)

Then go all out in creating a fabulous day for the person whose name you’ve chosen. Give them little gifts, bake goodies and decorate their dorm room. Make it good—try to outdo all your other friends’ boyfriends! You don’t have to spend a lot of money, but your efforts should show your friend you put a lot of thought into making a day wonderful for her.

Encourage everyone to get creative! Let all participants know that halfhearted attempts will not be tolerated. Make a scrapbook of memories for your best friend or coupons for an afternoon of makeovers and soft pretzels at the mall. Present guy friends with more masculine or sports-themed gifts like cookies frosted to look like baseballs or soccer balls.

Make all those couples sigh over their clichéd gifts while you and your friends speculate excitedly about who your Secret Cupid is. At the end of the day, get together and have everyone describe their Secret Cupid gifts—then vote on whose Secret Cupid was the best. Have a prize for the Cupid who wins!

Create Your Own “v”Harmony

Ever thought that you would be a great matchmaker? This Spring is a great opportunity to launch your own blind-dating service!

Offer to set up a no-pressure date for the first five girls and five guys that sign up. (Hint: Keep the number of applications you accept small so you’ll be sure to fill the quota.) Have each person fill out applications about their hobbies, favorite movies, where they’re from and more. Then match up the pairs, putting those with similar interests together.

Decide in advance who will be paying—either the guys or the girls—and let that group know to bring along some money. Keep it a small amount, no more than $20, so it’ll be affordable. The location you choose for the date should be appropriate for the amount of money you ask them to bring. Let the second group know they’ll be treated to a fun evening out!

Have everyone meet at your house, dorm lobby, the local coffee shop or the ice cream place on campus and introduce each person to their date for the evening. Order pizza or grab dessert, then start up the group games so the couples won’t feel compelled to make hours of small talk.

Stick around to ensure the night goes smoothly and watch the sparks fly! If things work out, you’ll have happy couples indebted to you. If not, well, maybe you shouldn’t major in matchmaking!

Harness Your Passion

If you’re angry over an ex-boyfriend or bummed about an unrequited crush, channel that angst into productive, creative passion. Take advantage of the fact that distractions will be at a minimum with all the couples out to pricey dinners and mediocre movies.

Spring is a great time to teach yourself to play the guitar or make good on your promise to build a fort with your little brother. You could start writing the great American novel or compose that hit song you’ve been thinking about for the past week.

Not feeling the creative vibe? Try organizing your room: Get the trash bags ready, turn on some Taylor Swift, then make a huge mess by pulling everything out of your drawers and closet. Make a pile of clothes for Goodwill, fill up those trash bags with old math assignments, and put everything back where you can find it. If you don’t use it, don’t keep it.

By the end of the night, you’ll be closer to your goals and have something to show for your evening.

Share the Love with Our Troops

Remember the troops who won’t be able to spend time with their loved ones. Take the time to put together care packages and cards for servicemen and women overseas. Our deployed soldiers won’t have any contact with their significant others aside from a short phone call or Skype conversation. Thank the troops for sacrificing their time with loved ones to fight for our country.

Host a party to make cards and purchase items for the care packages, such as: good coffee, tea, shampoo, magazines, lotion, books and prepackaged snack foods. Check out the USPS’s Military Mailing Restrictions site for a list of what not to send.

If you don’t know anyone currently serving overseas, log onto AnySoldier.com to find the name and address of a deployed soldier. Check out their “What to Send” and “Where to Send” pages. AnySoldier.com will provide you with requests deployed soldiers have made for things they need or want.

Follow the website’s instructions to choose a soldier or two; then, using the U.S. Postal Service’s flat-rate boxes, you can send care packages for around $10 and remind our soldiers what they’re fighting for.

Creative (and fun) date ideas

By Emily Raush

Tired of the typical “dinner and a movie” type dates and wish you had creative, unique ideas? Here’s a list of 26 dates (one for every other week of the year) that will make great memories!

1. This “signature” date is not what you’d normally think of. Who says you have to live in Hollywood to have a t-shirt full of signatures? Have all of you and your guy’s friends sign your very own t-shirt so that in 20 years from now you can look back and reminisce about the “good old days!”

2. Enjoy a fast-food restaurant regressive-progressive dinner. Start with dessert at one place, then drive to another restaurant and order just fries, next have just a sandwich, and if you’re still hungry after that, go for a salad!

3. Rainy day? Make a pop-up book about the story of your relationship. Be sure to include how he asked you out, your favorite memories, and any inside jokes you have together.

4. Believe it or not, you’re not too old for a dance party! Search YouTube for “how to’s” on different styles like salsa or swing and have fun laughing at each other’s craziest moves.

5. All you need for this date is a quarter and a car with gas. It’s called the head-tails driving adventure. Start driving and, when you get to the first intersection, flip the coin. If it lands on heads, turn right. If it lands on tails, turn left. Continue doing this for each intersection and see where you end up! Okay, maybe you should bring a map too, in case you get lost.

6. Go ice skating. Even if you’re terrible, it gives you a good excuse to hold hands!

7. In the mood for something more athletic? Take iPods and run to a nearby store, where you can sit and talk for awhile before heading back. If you get tired, remember, working out will make both you and your guy look better for the upcoming swimsuit season!

8. Go on a Dollar Store raid and each of you commit to spending $5 on the other. Talk beforehand about whether to buy stuff you’ll actually like or something for a good laugh.

9. Don’t want to spend any money? Take a trip to your local zoo! There will be more than enough adventures for the two of you to enjoy there.

10.  If that’s not adventurous enough for you, try “letterboxing.” There are boxes hidden by people around the country with clues to find them. Google it for the official website!

11.  Buy an inexpensive tie-dying kit at a local craft store and tie-dye shirts to wear together.

12.  Make “the list” of your future date ideas (feel free to include these)! If you want to get more creative, you could even make a mini-scrapbook with pictures of these ideas. As you complete each date, make sure to check it off of your list. Keep adding more ideas!

13.  Make a list of your life goals! Research what you want on your “bucket list” and then hang it in your room to remind yourself and encourage each other to fulfill those dreams.

14.  Go hiking. Be sure to bring along a picnic lunch of you and your date’s favorite foods.

15.  Have a karaoke night competition to see which one of you is the worst singer.

16.  If you really don’t want to humiliate yourself singing, you could always have a song guessing competition. Put your iPod on shuffle, and the first to shout out the title wins!

17.  Set aside a day to choose each other’s outfit and give suggestions on how to do their hair.

18.  Go on a hunt to find random objects that are shaped like letters of the alphabet. Take pictures of these things and then edit them into collages that spell out your names!

19.  Love pictures? Have an exclusive photoshoot! For pose ideas, look on store websites.

20.  Invite your friends to join you in a scavenger hunt around your town. Each couple can be in their own car and have a list of clues they have to complete. Some of these activities can include getting a brochure from a certain store or taking a picture of a landmark.

21.  Walk somewhere together. The catch is, though, you can only turn left. Right is not right. Crazy? Yes, but you’ll be sure to laugh!

22.  Play mini golf blindfolded. Have your guy help you line the golf club up and tell you in which direction to hit it.

23.  Make jello. But don’t eat it right away. Have a jello fight first!

24.  Videotape yourselves starring in your very own music video.

25.  If your guy wants to do something more “manly,” go paint balling! If you don’t like the idea of getting pelted with paint, tennis or ping pong are other fun (and cheap!) options.

26.  Add a spin on making dinner together by taking a cookbook and flipping to a random page. Decide that whatever you turn to, you’re going to cook, whether you like it or not!

Hopefully these tips will keep you occupied for awhile! Feel free to post a comment if you have any creative ideas of your own or want to share your thoughts about these ideas. Enjoy them!

He cheated. Now what?

by Michelle Golden

You thought you were head over heels in love. You drew little hearts with a permanent sharpie all over your binder. You had a whole Facebook photo album (or two or three or maybe actually six) devoted to your one and true love. Everyone knew you were definitely off the market when you flashed that promise ring he gave you. But now rumor has it he cheated. So after going to his house, confronting him, shoving a box at him filled with old pictures, just printed pictures, the jewelry box he got you filled with even more pictures, and the teddy bear you named “Scuffles” – you slap him. Typical movie scene. Then you find yourself crying in front of him when he is wrapping his arms around you begging for just one more chance. You think back to the summer when things were perfect. When you are just about to give him another chance, there’s a little voice in the back of your head shouting “no.” And that voice, my friends, is: me. I’m no expert, but here’s what you got to do to kick the jerk out of your life – and move on.

Step #1: Hate Him…Not…Her

As much as you want to hate the (insert any word you want here)…I mean…girl, you shouldn’t – at least not to the same extent. Remember, HE cheated therefore HE was the one who was unfaithful to you. True, if she knew you were in the picture, she was wrong and totally needs to get her morals straightened out. At the same time, she was not the one who would look you in the eye and say, “I love you” or “You mean everything to me, baby” (trust me, we’ve heard it all) and then cheat on you that very night. Hatred towards the girl comes from jealousy – which is a trait we should all steer clear from. We often think, “What does she have that I don’t?” The answer is: nothing. Her brain is most likely half the size of yours. Her teeth are a mustard-yellow color and her mascara runs down her eyes making them look raccoon-like. Okay, so you’ve already stalked her Facebook pictures. You’ve been given that right. Bottom line: Jealousy often leads to becoming a very angry and bitter person. The truth is, stuff happens and things aren’t always meant to be. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are so much prettier because you will never be the other woman.

Step #2: Cry Me a River

Justin Timberlake couldn’t have sung it better. Make a playlist of all (and I mean ALL) the songs that remind you of your ex-boyfriend. Title the playlist “The X Factor” (if you come up with something better, let me know) and then play each song one by one and listen to each. Be sure to keep a box of Kleenex beside you just in case and get into comfy clothing so you can curl up in the fetal position if necessary. Cry until you get so tired of hearing yourself wail that you will eventually want to shut off the music. Sure this sounds depressing, but getting the crying over with is better than prolonging it by keeping all the emotions bottled up inside. Look at the brighter side of things: Now that you know he cheated, you can go after his best friend (who is much, much cuter and has better taste in music.

Step #3: Let it go

Once you have broken up with the cheating jerk and after you’ve cried the Atlantic Ocean, let it go. Don’t try to uncover your hidden folder that’s located somewhere in a folder within a folder on your computer desktop. Stop sending him text messages and answering his phone calls. If he hasn’t been calling you, don’t start calling him. Think about the breakup as if it were a facial. It is a good thing. The facial is meant to get the greasy dirt out of the pores, to relax muscles, and to reduce future blemishes. Likewise, the breakup is a chance for you to start fresh, to feel clean of any dirty residue with the ex and to be able to start over with someone else when the time is right. If a facial is needed for this to happen, then so be it.

Step #4: Know Your Limits

Some people need as little as two weeks to get over a heartbreaking relationship. Others may need two months or even two years. Don’t freak out just yet. If you aren’t ready to get back into the whole dating scene, then don’t. No rush, no worries. Breaking up and getting over someone is also a chance to learn about YOU. What do you do for fun that makes you happy? Whether it is painting, writing, or playing a chord or two on the guitar, perhaps you haven’t paid much attention to these hobbies because of the relationship you were in. Now is a great time to get back into the swing of things and do what you do best. But maybe you’re the “get over someone by getting under someone else” type. If so, it is always good to be careful and to understand that if things don’t work out with Heartbreaker #2, you should do whatever it takes to not crawl back to Heartbreaker #1. He’s still the bad guy. Take time for yourself, because, if you aren’t happy with who you are then how can you ever be happy with someone else? Thank you Hallmark.

Once you get past the first few stages following a breakup, you begin to realize that you do deserve better and that cheating is for losers anyway. Like a “Holiday Barbie” you will be back on the market sooner than you know and eventually you’ll look back on things and wonder,
“What the @#$% was I thinking?”

You can thank me later.

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